By popular demand (this one’s for you Soumitri) I have written about my Week Three Meltdown.
Three weeks in and already I have been quite sick. I’ve spent two days in bed, actually I quite enjoy the solitude. It’s just me the bed and an intimate relationship with the toilet bowl. As a result of being sick I have developed an acute dislike for the mess food (not a lot of variety, just curries in varying shades of orange), and have resorted to living on rice and curds. The food here is rich, laden with oil and spicy, there’s a theory amongst the students that the guys who run the mess are making a mint and by serving shit food- people aren’t likely to eat much, thus they are racking it in. For sick people there is a ‘special’ menu which I tried out- something green and mushy and lukewarm bland mashed potatoes YUM (note sarcasm!).
I’m not use to the 9am -6pm+ uni days. My attention span is really not cut out for it. There’s been a lot of talk about falling asleep during class, how the hell do you fall asleep in class? The answer is clear to me now. Late nights and long drawn out moments during the day where nothing happens. I’m sure the full week of uni here could be condensed down to 18 hours a week. People often fall asleep in class, I keep myself amused (and awake) by staring at them as they do the nod- first the eyes go and the head starts to fall and then bang the head hits the chest and they are bolt upright again. I’m trying to work out the power of my mind, if I can will them to look at me- perhaps I can draw them out of dreamy lala land. I have come to the conclusion that the power of my mind is particularly weak, but I’ll continue to be amused by it. Or perhaps I’m just trying to justify this new found habit of staring. Nope it’s clear to me now, I’m becoming more Indian (wink!), I’ve never in my life been so stared at since coming to India. Like I always say- “When in India, do as the Indian’s do!”
So spending sick days in my room gave me a taste for being on my own. During week three I hung out with my new best friend- solitude. I rarely left the room, preferring to do my drawing exercises alone with music blasting stupidly loud, it was my attempt to drown out thoughts of loneliness. Ha “self induced” I hear you say, “Nay!” I reply… My new found wallflower status was REALLY beginning to get me down. I remember watching ‘Picnic at Hanging Rock’ and hating it, there was so much fuss over the character Miranda, Miranda this, Miranda that, Miranda, Miranda, Miranda. This whole ‘thing’ about ‘Miranda’ I found insanely grating- see I’m still ranting about it and I watched the film 12 years ago. Now in India it is all about Kath, Kath this, Kath that, Kath, Kath, Kath. Hmmm perhaps you think I sound petty, no it is really strange- I am going to term it the Kath phenomena. We made friends, but they only talk to Kath, I try to make conversation but this is cut short. Occasionally they make a shallow attempt at being polite- I might get asked a question and then I am cut off. People would come up and introduce themselves to Kath and I’d stand by her side thinking perhaps I’d become invisible since coming to India. I tried to battle the wallflower thing, but by the end of the second week I just went with it. You could call me silent Fee, I felt suffocated because I wasn’t given any space to express myself and so boredom began to set in. Homesickness had caught up with me, I was terribly lonely and it was as though my world revolved around Kath (I love Kath, she’s great) but you need more in your world. I’d leave my room to be greeted with people asking “Where’s Kath?”,“What’s Kath doing?”, “Why isn’t Kath with you?”. I’d even swapped numbers with some of our friends and they’ve only called to ask after Kath. In my head I would be screaming “Fuck Off, I’m not Kath’s fucking secretary!!!!!!”, out loud I’d be polite and do my best not to groan. I really have better things to talk about than Kath. Meltdown time… I spent a small fortune calling friends back home, after a whole afternoon in tears and I confined myself to my room. I had to distance myself from Kath and make my own friends.
Just as an afternote it is now week five, Kath has her friends, I have mine, we are still team K&F or F&K. In part the novelty of ‘Kath’ has worn off, In part I have chilled out- jumped off the wall and rediscovered my voice. We are once again happy little campers.
